


I will do it again (and again and again)

by ShadowSelene (Shadowdianne)



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-01
Updated: 2019-05-01
Packaged: 2020-02-15 18:15:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18674917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadowdianne/pseuds/ShadowSelene
Summary: SQ Prompt - After marrying H00K Emma Falls through a portal into the Past, when she first met Regina (1x01) and has the chance to change things.Asked by anon via tumblr





	I will do it again (and again and again)

“You are Henry’s birthmother?”

She heard the words before she was able to peer above the bushes; her profile shining against the light that emanated from the porch with the shy smile she still remembered making: forced and doubtful as Regina eyed her up and down. Back when this had first happened she had felt blindsided by the woman; worried about the tales Henry had told her. When Regina had let her inside she had still felt out of her depth, clutching the drink as she feigned an assuredness she was far from feeling.

It had worked, however, as she now was able to picture Regina’s glance and read it with the knowledge she had lacked back then: interest, curiosity, fear. Emma hadn’t been fond of Regina at the beginning but the mix of those three emotions had made the brunette an interesting mystery to solve. One she had been unable to escape from. One she had ended up falling way too deep for her to realize until panic had been her only route; too many promises hanging from her neck.

She now longed for those times, the ones in where they had been only them as they learnt, as unwillingly as it could have been, about the other; about what made the other tick, jump, respond. She longed for the Regina that wouldn’t eye her with the shimmer of something lost at the back of her eyes; a poorly kept secret weighting their every interaction as Regina’s focus always fell down to her ring. The one she had found herself toying with far more than usual; the metal warm against her skin as she curled her hands into fists; the second elongating more than it should have had as a “yes” was heard from where she was; the offer of something to drink rising and coloring the pavement in something that wasn’t magic -wouldn’t be, for now- but that had the same signature that what Emma had learnt to link to the older woman’s presence. A pull, a call, that made her swallow down a sob.

She had approached the mansion following that same pull but now, as she spied on her other self follow Regina, she realized that she couldn’t truly interrupt the story that was about to unfold. Not without the risk of stealing the chance to fall in love like she had done.

The thought ran through her mind unbidden in a rush of electricity that made her grind her teeth together; the verb far too bright, far too loud but yet far too honest for her to cry that it was untrue. She would find a way to go back to her own present; she promised herself as she heard the door clicking behind the two women; the conversation she still could recite by heart likely happening inside. Looking down at the pavement, she eyed the few leaves that had come loose from her peering over the bushes, the lush green contrasting against the greyed cement. Kneeling and picking one, she found herself staring not at the ring, the one her eyes fell again and again to, but at the tattoo that peeked above the sleeve of her jacket; the flower staring back at her as she let out a shuddering breath.

She wouldn’t, she promised herself as the door opened once more, the silhouette of Graham soon enough being framed by the beam of light that came from within the mansion. She turned and walked into the shadows the bushes provided, waiting for the man to walk past her as she kept on staring to the façade of the mansion. One she knew she would soon learn to associate with the deep reaching hatred Regina would make her believe she deserved. Up until Henry would ask her to protect her; her inability to say not speaking way higher of her own disposition that she had been able to understand at the time.

Besides, she thought as she let out the leaf fall down into the ground, her boots already moving by the time she heard the door opening a second time, this time too far to make out the words her other self was directing at the brunette, she knew now how to battle against prewritten stories. Something not even Regina, the one she had suspected for the longest of times that hadn’t been able to sleep a wink after that first conversation, wasn’t even aware of now.

Letting the sound of a quiet Storybrooke envelop her, she turned towards where she knew Gold’s shop stood. She had a few materials to collect.

And, later, she promised as she, finally, pried the ring from her finger, the weight heavy and clunky on her palm, she would tell this very same thing to the brunette woman. The one that knew her, the one she had tried to push away out of fear, out of panic, out of the believe she needed to cut her corners in order to fit into a box made from titles and expectations that now pulled her downwards, drowning her.

The ring fell into the pavement, clinking away as Emma left it behind, her footsteps echoing as a yellow bug began to rumble in the distance; the clock about to move.

She would be okay; she promised herself. She would find a way.


End file.
